I found an online poetry contest thing and although I haven’t written poetry for years as I’m not very good in that area, I decided to give it a shot just because I don’t have much time for anything else right now. I recently found out that I am pretty good with iambic pantameter though… I managed to scribble this down while I was babysitting today just thinking over some things…Also, note that I have no idea how punctuation in poetry works.
When all is lost and
Hope is out of reach,
There is no light to
Penetrate the dark.
No hope, no life to
This depressing state.
I’m all alone here
On this darkened path,
Here to find a way
Through it all myself.
A strange, unknown pain
Rests inside of me,
Aching and tearing
At my soul within.
Hard to concentrate
Hard to keep focus,
My mind is all full
Of many strange thoughts,
Mysterious and
So misunderstood.
They don’t feel as if
They belong to me,
Unclaimed and unowned
Searching just like me.
I don’t know what to
Do in my life here.
Bright plans ahead fade
Into the abyss.
Values of life are
Beginning to change.
The solid script’s ink
Wavering away,
Swirling and twisting
To form a new plan.
I find no comfort
Here stress strangles me,
Choking the very
Life right out of me.
My interests are
No longer pleasing.
Entertainment can
No longer find me.
What is it that
Is happening to me?
Could this all be my
Imagination?
Are the pains really
Only in my mind?
I can no longer
Walk this path alone.
I need another
To help me with this.
I cannot go on
It’s become too much.
Why has my hope left
Why must you have died?
For a moment on
This path you were there,
Encouraging and
Helping all you could.
You were always there
When I needed you.
But now you have left
Died away from me.
I know that we all
Must go at some point,
No one can stay in
One place forever,
But why must it have
Been you to leave me?
My newly found hope
Taken far away.
Never may I see
You when I need help.
I must learn to go
On forward once more.
I’ve done it before
I can do it now,
Solitarily
Travelling onwards.
I will find new hope
To help lead me on.
I thank you so much
For all you have done.
I know that you have
Gone out of your way,
Easing the trail for
Me to crawl along.
Although difficult
To find you at first,
You were always there
Wandering in back.
I thank you again
As I remember.
There is no way for
Me to repay you.
Although this long trail’s
End is still shrouded,
I’ll search for a new
Hope along the way.
I can feel the slight
Release of the stress,
My eyes are starting
To reopen now.
I can learn to move
On and face life’s troubles.
True hope in this world
Can never die out.
NINJA’D!
Unclaimed and unowned should probably have a period
This seems long. Almost too long for such short lines.
Punctuation should be by thoughts. after a full coherent thought, leave a mark
Ouch. That was weird.
-cough-
Good poem! I don’t know if it’s meaningful to me because I can sort of… guess what it’s about, but I think it would be pretty emotional to anyone. The bluntness of the dying is sudden and somewhat unexpected. I believe you meant to write it that way, though. I think it was a good choice.
By the way, when did you write this? …Just curious.
…-shifty eyes-
Oh, right. Babysitting. Nevermind! Heh heh.
Yeah, I wrote it on Friday, March 7, 2008 while babysitting at 10:00 at night.
Don’t worry your not alone when it comes to poetry. I’m absolutely terrible at it.
Ninja’d!
As a a frequent writer of poetry, and someone who is currently being put through the torture of dissecting the works of early romantic poets, I don’t like this poem! Not the content, the content is totally my style, but the layout. It seems an incredibly long poem but that only because each line is only 3-4 words long. Stop it! It makes the poem seem choppy and like reading John Keats, it gets dull trying to read a ridiculously long poem. I hate poems that could be turned into books because of their length. When I have to scroll repeatedly to finish a poem, I go blah and stop reading. My suggestion is that you only divide at punctuation. If you have a comma or period, hit enter. If you don’t, then don’t!
Oy…
I’m sorry that you hated this so much, Shaundra. As I stated above, I can’t write poetry very well, and in this piece, I wasn’t exactly trying to stun anybody with something amazing. I was basically just writing what I felt at the time. I also stated that I wrote this in iambic pantameter which is what Shakespeare mastered in. Using iambic pantameter, I can only put 5 syllables in each line…
Anyways, as I said, I wasn’t really trying to make a fabulous poem and was basically just venting, entering a contest, and getting another English grade at the same time. Even rereading it now, a week later, I feel like trashing the whole thing…
I really shouldn’t write poetry… 🙁
Sorry Shaundra, but that ninja doesn’t really count because you have to be the first person to make a comment on a post on anyones blog except your own according to the official Matt ninja contest rules.
Lol, that’s ok. I just like to say ninja!
Noelle, I didn’t mean for you to feel bad about your writing. All in all it’s a good poem but iambic pentameter is just not right for it. Mostly that was my rant on hating romantic poets, not your poem. Like I said, I enjoyed the subject and it is well written. It is just laid out wrong for the words.
And never say you shouldn’t write something. Every writer fails miserably with at least one piece, even if they are normally good at that genre. I can’t count the number of poems that I wrote and then wanted to light on fire when I read them again. This is NOT a bad poem and you are NOT a bad poet. Of course you can always improve but so can the rest of us. Don’t be discouraged by a silly rant like mine, especially since the rant wasn’t aimed at you but actually at my english teacher. My advice is to just let this poem sit and stew for a little while, then one day come back to it and see if you can figure out how to make a fantasmagorical poem.
A very deep message. I like it, and as I am no critic of poetry, that’s all I shall say.
I think that you should continue to write stuff like this. I liked it! it was deep and moving and I guess that it sounds like the book Crank, Impulse, Glass and all of the other epic poems. I thought that it was really interesting!