Burden Secret

“I Need a Hug” by Noelle Brooks

Not sure if you’ve heard…It feels like I’ve told the story a hundred times by now, but I guess I’ll just quickly paraphrase it or something. I really, really need to talk to somebody, but I can’t and I need to write a story for tomorrow’s meeting, so I guess I’ll just write this. Anyways, one of my best friends who I haven’t seen in years called me yesterday. She was in tears and told me of this horrifically terrible thing that happened to her. She’s dropping out of school, leaving her family, and was asking if she can come live with me. She wants to move cross-country to here and finish her last year of high school here at Minot High. The cops are looking into everything and she’s alive, so it’s not all bad, but it’s still…and the worst thing for me is that she told me not to tell anybody, so I’m keeping my promise. But it hurts…

I had to draw this picture to clear my head, (and even that didn’t help)…I physically couldn’t do anything else. So this story is basically one of my rants in disguise…

So this little short story will be about my rabid undead saluki, Rohashi. Know nothing about him? Please go read his story.

Rohashi’s Webpage

“Hey, Rohashi…” I heard some one say with an exasperated sigh from behind me. Without glancing back I continued to stare forward at the ocean spread out in front of me. I was resting in the sand beneath a few trees, but I couldn’t feel the sand’s comforting warmth or the refreshing shade from the sun. Within the slight dim of the trees I faintly gave a turquoise glow.

“Rohashi?” My lupe friend, SilverrFangg, came from behind me, greeting me with a cheerful smile, as usual. Each of his paws left a print in the sand creating a trail that curved around where I sat. I glanced down at one distinct paw print, not wanting to meet with SilverrFangg’s emerald-black eyes. My friend took a spot beside me and curled his bushy tail around himself. “It’s nice out today, isn’t it?” he asked, creating small talk.

“Hmph,” I shrugged. I still hadn’t brought myself to speak with my friend. I couldn’t after everything that had happened. I want to speak with him and tell him everything, but I just can’t. I have to keep this secret…especially with what I did.

He turned to me as I continued to stare at the ground. “So…” There was a long pause after his words as he thought over what to say. From the corner of my eye I saw him open his mouth to speak only to bring it closed once more and shake his head. I moved my concentration from the print in the sand and returned it to the sea. I could never grow tired from watching the sea sparkle and move about. There’s something alluring about the waters…

“The ocean is so beautiful, you know?” he asked although I could easily tell there was something else on his mind. He wanted to say something, just as I did…

“Sure,” I replied. Although there wasn’t much enthusiasm in my voice, I did truly agree with SilverrFangg. The sea is one thing that I love dearly. I can’t bring myself to part with it and am constantly finding myself exploring its waves. Adventure calls my name from the endless, blue horizon and I can’t help but answer it.

There was another moment of silence between the two of us as we stared out at the sea, not glancing at one another. Just sitting there, SilverrFangg was torturing me with his presence. I couldn’t bear to see him, which was one reason why I would linger within the dark depths of the ship. Even though I couldn’t escape from my own thoughts and secrets, I could at least escape from my friend…Ugh, what happened between the two of us? Why did he do that!?

“So…” SilverrFangg started up again. He turned his head and focused his determined eyes straight into mine. A glint of sunlight struck the earring on his left ear and caused me to squint a bit. “What happened, Rohashi?”

Once again…He was asking me what had happened…again. How could he do that? Why would he even care? Why would he care what happened after he abandoned me!? Why would he want to know what happened to me after he left me, held captive by my own crew? And why should I tell him? It gets me so angry just thinking about it, but then again…I want to tell him. I tore my eyes from the sea and returned SilverrFangg’s glance. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him everything, everything that had happened. But I couldn’t.

“Come on,” he coaxed, probably seeing my desire to share the events from my lifeless, blood-colored eyes. “What happened?” he whispered with a slight smile.

Staring into his friendly eyes became too much and I quickly turned my head away. The paw prints were still in the sand and caught my attention once more. “I see you’ve got a new scar…” I stated plainly, avoiding the current subject. I didn’t want to avoid it…It was exactly what I wanted to talk about, needed to talk about, but I just couldn’t. Agh, I sound so stupid!

“Hmm?” he asked, a little surprised. “Oh, yeah…Ran into a bit of trouble a few days ago.” He raised his paw to glance at the fresh wound. “I guess I haven’t seen you since then…”

I really was avoiding SilverrFangg and he seemed to be catching on. Being alone feels better, though, at times. Suffering in my own solitude rather than bringing everyone else down with me. Urgh, I feel like killing…I need to kill…But I haven’t since then. I haven’t been out on the sea much since then. The one thing I love and I can’t even enjoy that. It’s a reminder, though…the ocean…It is where I died after all, although SilverrFangg doesn’t know that. I can still hear the pounding heartbeats within my head and see the fading light as I sank farther and farther…It’s chilling.

“Where’ve you been lately?” my friend asked, trying to get some information from me. I could feel the prodding…

“I’ve been busy,” I grunted. I wished that he would leave. Even though he’s my friend, I can’t look at him. Not after what I’ve done…

SilverrFangg knew when I would and wouldn’t talk and didn’t question on my response. “I’m planning on heading out in a few days…You comin’?” he asked, inviting me to travel out on the seas with him.

I wanted to go, I truly did…”No, I can’t,” I replied. “I’m so busy right now…” I waited for many moments thinking over so many things.

“I got a new heading on them…You don’t want to come help track ’em down?” His voice was soft and comforting, just as he was trying to be.

With his words, new images arose in my mind. Flashes of burning villages, screaming people…My father’s dying body, the crew’s hostility. Then haunting images of the cell that caged me with my thirst for blood came up and the slight glimmer of hope as SilverrFangg dashed by…His final glance, eye to eye with me, right before he left me there in my prison…Blood corrupted my mind and began to seep from my mouth as I sat there beside my friend. Ever since then, water and blood have come to flow from my mouth from time to time…A wide grin began to appear on my face, slowly overcoming my usual scowl. The memory of the blood of SilverrFangg’s father running across my tongue and my claws shredding through his flesh…so satisfying. But then the angry, twisted faces of my crew suddenly came to mind…They had captured me…They had beaten me…They had killed me…It was all their fault…”No!” I suddenly yelled out, jumping to my feet with my head held low below my shoulders. My chest heaved and the blood that ran from my mouth splattered against the sand beneath me. There was a crazed look to my crimson eyes and my thin crescent shaped pupils shrank even more.

SilverrFangg immediately jumped back in reflex with his claws unsheathed and his back fur bristling. There was a determined and responsive look to is face although his eyes hid the true feelings of concern and worry. Why did I do this to my friends? What kind of friend am I? As soon as SilverrFangg realized what he was doing, his fur began to flatten against his skin and his claws retreated. He gave a sigh and walked past me a bit. Stopping beside me, he turned his head over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rohashi…I’m sorry for whatever they did to you. I can’t even imagine.” With his last statement he walked off, leaving me alone on the beach with the sun just beginning to set far off over the waters. He knew that I needed time…

Thankful that he had left, my breathing began to slow and my heart rate returned to normal. There beneath the fading light accompanied with soothing waves and a faint, chilling breeze, I was left alone with my thoughts. I had betrayed my friend…but he had betrayed me! He left me there to die, and I did! Now I am here, with this…curse. I’m dead and although I may wish it, my life won’t end. SilverrFangg is so set on finding my corrupt crew and rescuing his family. He doesn’t know that I killed them…I can never tell him what happened. I may never truly talk to him again…

As my thoughts overcame me, I found myself trudging through the sand one step at a time. The ocean spread out before me drew nearer and nearer, welcoming me with its continuing waves. Soon, the waters were swallowing my feet and rising up past my legs. I continued, set on my decision. With water rushing over me and engulfing my body entirely, I felt safe. For a moment, the burden of the secret, which I held, was temporarily released…

With my eyes closing, I knew that the water wouldn’t kill me. I was already dead…Dead with this secret.